You Are There
Summery Xena and Gabrielle ride on a horse. A boat. The sunrises. The moon rises. Boats. Sky. A raven. The raven flies. A big castle. Xena and Gabrielle are back in the land of Odin. The Valkyrie tapestry. Beowulf drinks at a tavern. Gabrielle goes up to him, says hello. Beowulf says howdy back. Xena says what's the problem, big guy, you used to be all over Gabrielle. He shrugs it off. It appears he doesn't love Gabrielle anymore. Valkyries appear. Xena says she wants to see Odin. The Valkyries decide to stop Xena from seeing Odin. They begin fighting. Outside, a camera and an interviewer. They watch as Valkyries go flying out the door. The interviewer asks why Xena has returned to the Norselands. This doesn't make sense, apparently, because Odin has vowed to kill Xena if she tries to get back into Valhalla. The interviewer gets in Xena's face. Xena stares into a camera. The interviewer calls Xena a savior or a butcher, depending upon point of view. Xena gets make up for a TV show. Gabrielle tells someone to keep their hands off her, and Xena emphasizes the point. They go on a TV show. The interviewer (same guy) asks Xena lots of questions. Xena gets upset. Gabrielle says the interview is over. The interviewer goes to the River Styx and has a chat with Charon. Xena is good for business, Charon says. Caligula is on the side of the river, waiting for a ride. He gets an interview, too. He says Xena is a snake, and that she likes the thrill of drawing blood. Charon tries to take Caligula across the water, but Caligula likes being interviewed. He says Xena is evil. Charon says that at least Xena pays her fare, unlike some other so-called hero, yeah, he means you, Hercules. Odin declines an interview, but the interviewer says someone from Valhalla, using the cloak of invisibility, is sitting in the chair to do an interview. The interviewee says that Xena is after the golden apples, because Xena wants to be a god. Or a goddess. Whatever. The interviewer shatters the myth of invisibility, revealing Odin. He says all loyal Norsemen should work to stop Xena from getting the apples, because she will return Ares to god status and become a god or goddess or whatever and be his queen. Odin says that is why Xena didn't kill Ares in the first place, because she has a thing for him. Odin then firebombs a TV monitor, scares the interviewer, and storms out. "Odin and Xena, a battle for apples." The Interviewer comes upon Gabrielle, bathing. He asks Gabrielle if Xena is Ares' love slave. Gabrielle knocks him down into the mud. The Interviewer goes to the farmstead. He beats on the door. Ares comes out. He says he has nothing to say about Xena. He says Xena owes him nothing. Ares laughs when asked about Xena being his queen. He says she isn't interested. Then Xena comes into the farmstead. The Interviewer asks if Xena is in love with Ares. Ares knocks away all the cameras. In Heaven, the Interviewer talks to Archangel Michael. Michael says Odin would do well to fear Xena. He explains about angels, how they strive to help humans, but humans have free will and Xena exercises her free will with wild abandon. He says Xena puts her own self interest above everything, explaining how Xena seduced Lucifer, etc. in order to save her daughter. "Who isn't she willing to screw over?" Michael asks. The Interviewer falls from Heaven and ends in Hell. He interviews Lucifer. Lucifer is not too fond of Xena. The Interviewer finds Eve, praying in a circle of Eligians. Eve declines to talk to the Interviewer, then spews forth the message of Eli. Then she curses the Interviewer with lots of bleeped words. She punches the Interviewer. The Interviewer says that Xena invokes strong emotions, either hatred or loyalty. Gabrielle comes on. She says the Interviewer has it all wrong about Xena. She says the Interviewer makes it sound like Ares and Xena have a conspiracy going to screw the world. Gabrielle says that Xena doesn't lust after Ares. She watches a montage of Xena and Ares kisses. Okay, they have a history, Gabrielle says. The Interviewer asks Gabrielle if she is in love with Xena. "I don't love Xena," Gabrielle says. Xena bursts in. The Interviewer asks Xena if she loves Gabrielle. Xena does the pinch on the Interviewer. She asks him who he loves. She says he doesn't love anyone, that no one loves anyone, because the world has lost its greatest gift. Outside, Xena and Gabrielle argue about sidekick stuff. Xena says she has to get the love back into the world. It's a world without love. The Interviewer goes to a bordello. This business is booming. But this business isn't about love. In fact, the less love, the better the business. Ares is next on the list for a Thunder God room. He sees the Interviewer and runs away. The Interviewer goes into a cave. He says he is meeting an anonymous source. The source tells the Interviewer that Xena is trying to put a god back on Mt. Olympus, but not the god of war. Fool, Xena doesn't want to rule the world, she wants to save it, the source says. She tells the Interviewer to follow the love. The Interviewer finds a lot of people trying to touch Aphrodite. The Interviewer has a chat with Aphrodite. She says Xena pulled her out of her madness and gave her back her life. But love has faded away because Aphrodite wasn't able to replace it as a mortal. "Poof" the love has gone. Mortals all take love for granted. The power of love is tied to Olympus. Gabrielle and Beowulf are in the snow. The Interviewer, with Aphrodite in tow, comes up. Xena has gone into Valhalla to face Odin. Gabrielle says Xena can't kill gods, but Odin can kill Xena. Lots of flashes of light from Valhalla. Xena yells. The Interviewer calls it the "sounds of an epic struggle." Aphrodite tells Gabrielle she is glad that she is still with Xena. She thought the lack of love might have split them up. Xena comes out of Valhalla with the apples and Odin. The Interviewer asks Xena if she is going to give the apples to Aphrodite, to restore love to the world. Ares comes up. Xena lets him have a bit of apple. Ares throws a fireball. Ares tells Xena to eat the apple. Xena looks at it, then tosses it to Aphrodite. Aphrodite eats. Love touches everyone. Xena and Gabrielle look at each other. Beowulf glows with love for Gabrielle. Ares tries to tempt Xena again to eat an apple. Xena gives the apples back to Odin. Odin finds out Grinhilda helped Xena get into Valhalla, and she was the mysterious "source" for the Interviewer. Grinhilda does another interview, and says that Ares got his godhood back because you can't love without hating, or forgive without having anger, and without Ares, it would have thrown the world out of balance. She says she sent the Interviewer to fetch Aphrodite and get him out of Xena's hair for a while. Eve and the Eligian come to the Interviewer and ask forgiveness. Eve offers him a cane so he can give her flagellation in atonement. Ares says Xena did what she did because she is still redeeming herself. Xena and Gabrielle, in a tavern, are approached by the Interviewer. HE asks if they are lovers. Xena says it is none of your business. Gabrielle says, hey, why not tell him. Xena goes to answer the question. The "show" experiences TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.